PERSPECTIVE FROM THE 19^TH HOLE: This is the title I chose for my personal blog, which is meant to give me an outlet for one of my favorite crafts – writing – plus to use an image from my favorite sport, golf. Out of college, my first job was a reporter for the Daily Astorian in Astoria, Oregon and I went on from there to practice writing in all of my professional positions, including as a Congressional press secretary in Washington, D.C., an Oregon state government manager in Salem and Portland, press secretary for Oregon’s last Republican governor (Vic Atiyeh), and a private sector lobbyist. This blog also allows me to link another favorite pastime – politics and the art of developing public policy – to what I write.

DOES TRUMP WANT TO BE POPE, TOO?

Alexandra Petri, writes the ComPost blog for the Washington Post, a lighter take on news and opinions of the day. One of her recent columns asked a probing question: Does Donald Trump want to be Pope, too?

Petri’s full column is reprinted at the end of this blog, but, in one of her best paragraphs, she writes:

“It is not such a far-fetched idea to suggest that he should be gunning for the Chair of St. Peter instead of the puny, tiny, not-at-all classy chair in the Oval Office. Which is more Trump to you, a small chair where losers like Jimmy Carter have sat in their time, or a huge, beautiful chair where you are always right? Please. This man was born to be pope.”

 

DOES TRUMP UNDERSTAND THE FEDERAL BUDGET?

The answer would be no. And a recent piece by national columnist Ruth Marcus adds excellent detail to the answer. Here is just one excerpt:

“In Trump world, the solution to controlling entitlement spending is that refuge of lazy and dishonest politicians everywhere: waste, fraud and abuse. ‘It’s tremendous,’ Trump said at the recent CBS News debate, citing “thousands and thousands of people that are over 106 years old” and collecting Social Security.

“Reality check: A 2013 audit found 1,546 people who had received Social Security benefits, despite being dead. Total cost? $31 million. Cost of Social Security that year? $823 billion.

“Another Trump favorite — empowering Medicare to negotiate prescription drug prices — produces claimed savings, $300 billion annually, that are mathematically impossible. “Medicare spending on prescription drugs was $78 billion in 2014. Total national spending on prescription drugs, not just by the federal government, was $300 billion in 2014, according to the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services. Stick with Trump! He’ll get the drug companies to pay us to take their meds!”

 

HOW CAN TRUMP INSULT EVERYONE AND PREVAIL?

Trump has turned conventional political wisdom on its head. He insults everyone and remains ahead in most polls.

He calls women names. He denigrates physically disabled persons. He criticizes Vietnam War veteran and Senator John McCain because he was caught and served time as a prisoner-of-war.

Still, contrary to most prognosticators, Trump continues to move ahead and may actually take the Republican nomination for president.

If he does, my sense is that Trump’s elevation means Hillary Clinton will be president.

 

HOW DOES TRUMP KEEP HIS HAIR IN PLACE?

I ask this question as a person who, according to some of my family members, used to favor a comb-over.

Trump may or may not use a comb-over, but his hair defies description. Why don’t means reporters ask about this, just as they focus on the hairstyles and dress codes of members of the distaff side who dare to run for president?

Trump must use the most hair spray of any person in history. Perhaps he has a hair-stylist apply the spray for him.

Can you imagine what would happen if the wind blew in gusts? Trump might be bald.

I ask this probing question in retaliation for the fact that Trump himself deals with irrelevancies along the campaign trail.

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Here is the column by Petri.

By Alexandra Petri

Hear me out.

Our present pope, popular as he is, can surely not expect to be pope forever. Whereas Donald Trump is immortal, and knows it. Why else would he behave as he does?

It is not such a far-fetched idea to suggest that he should be gunning for the Chair of St. Peter instead of the puny, tiny, not-at-all classy chair in the Oval Office. Which is more Trump to you, a small chair where losers like Jimmy Carter have sat in their time, or a huge, beautiful chair where you are always right?

Please.

This man was born to be pope.

Now the papacy doesn’t win any more. Masses in English, giving to the poor — just giving things away to them, not even trying to make deals of any kind. Handouts, charity. Pssh! Just throwing away blessings and absolutions when you could be making billions from the sale of indulgences. Letting the little children come unto you — children of all faiths! — before those children have been properly vetted.

Give me a break.

Not only would Trump fix it, but also he’d fit right in. They nominate the next pope by blowing smoke of a particular color out through the chimney of the college of cardinals. Trump is accustomed to blowing smoke.

St. Peter’s Basilica is Huge and Great and Classy — a bit of a downgrade from the Trump Taj Mahal, but still respectable, in its way, considering how few surfaces are brass.

Trump is what is needed to Make the Papacy Great Again, the way it was in the days when popes were popes, like the Borgias. This is either our Vatican or it isn’t. Where’s the temporal power that used to make things tick? The Vatican should be run like a business. And speak Latin, if you’re going to set foot here, within the huge, beautiful wall.

Look, Trump has the qualities of a spiritual leader. Trump is better at not judging than anyone. At least, he is this week: “No leader, especially a religious leader, should have the right to question another man’s religion or faith.” He was not last week: “How can Ted Cruz be an Evangelical Christian when he lies so much and is dishonest?” But hey, a foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds.

Besides, he is on the record, as my colleague Catherine Rampell points out, as being the Most Humble of anyone out there. “I do have actually much more humility than a lot of people would think,” he told John Dickerson on “Face the Nation.” The pope only has as much humility as you would expect.

Trump has made the case already, in his retort to the pope, that the pope is doing a bad job. Why not take the next step and claim the Holy See for himself?

Trump could do this so much better. And we should encourage him to do so.

The pope, like Aladdin’s genie, possesses Phenomenal Cosmic Power coupled with itty-bitty living space (there are postage stamps larger than the Vatican, I believe). If we can just convince Donald Trump that this is what he wants, instead of the presidency — we may be able to dodge this yet.