Perspective from the 19^th Hole is the title I chose for my personal blog, which is meant to give me an outlet for one of my favorite crafts – writing – plus to use an image from my favorite sport, golf.  Out of college, my first job was as a reporter for the Daily Astorian in Astoria, Oregon, and I went on from there to practice writing in all my professional positions, including as press secretary in Washington, D.C. for a Democrat Congressman from Oregon (Les AuCoin), as an Oregon state government manager in Salem and Portland, as press secretary for Oregon’s last Republican governor (Vic Atiyeh), and as a private sector lobbyist.  This blog also allows me to link another favorite pastime – politics and the art of developing public policy – to what I write.  I could have called this blog “Middle Ground,” for that is what I long for in both politics and golf.  The middle ground is often where the best public policy decisions lie.  And it is where you want to be on a golf course.

As my wife and I read the Bible one day this week, a word jumped out at me:  The word “Salem.”

As we read Psalm, 76:2, there it was:  “His tent is in Salem, his dwelling place is in Zion.”

Does that mean that God lives in Salem, the city where we live.  No, but it sounds like it at first blush.

The word “Salem” is an ancient poetic name for Jerusalem, and it means “peace” or “peaceful.”

The Psalm 76 reference is one of two places in the Old Testament where the name of “Jerusalem” is abbreviated to “Salem.”  The others are in the New Testament.

Here is what Google says about the background for the word:

Hebrew Root:  The word comes from shalom, which means peace, completeness, or safety.

Connection to Jerusalem:  Bible scholars agree that “Salem” is an early or shortened name for Jerusalem.

Historical Link: It first appears in Genesis when Abraham meets Melchizedek, the “king of Salem.”

Poetic Pairing: In Psalm 76:2 (“His tent is in Salem, his dwelling place in Zion”), Salem is paired with Zion to emphasize that God chose this specific location as His spiritual home and a place of divine peace and protection.

The church we attend in Salem – Salem Alliance – uses the word to convey an important principle – we want Salem to be a “city that exists with peace with God.”

A great aspiration, one all of us should try to live out, both where we live – Salem – and where we travel.  Because all people – yes, ALL people – are actually or at least potentially “children of God.”

Shalom!

Perspective from the 19^th Hole is the title I chose for my personal blog, which is meant to give me an outlet for one of my favorite crafts – writing – plus to use an image from my favorite sport, golf.  Out of college, my first job was as a reporter for the Daily Astorian in Astoria, Oregon, and I went on from there to practice writing in all my professional positions, including as press secretary in Washington, D.C. for a Democrat Congressman from Oregon (Les AuCoin), as an Oregon state government manager in Salem and Portland, as press secretary for Oregon’s last Republican governor (Vic Atiyeh), and as a private sector lobbyist.  This blog also allows me to link another favorite pastime – politics and the art of developing public policy – to what I write.  I could have called this blog “Middle Ground,” for that is what I long for in both politics and golf.  The middle ground is often where the best public policy decisions lie.  And it is where you want to be on a golf course.

As someone who likes words, a great phrase jumped at me as I read the New York Times.

Describing a candidate for governor of California, Steve Hilton, the writer said this:

“Hilton will have to complete one of the toughest acrobatic acts in politics — that of a loyal yet ambitious politician trying to quarantine himself from a deeply unpopular leader and kiss the ring at the same time.”

The target, of course, was Donald Trump who helped Hilton get past the primary election in his run for governor, but who could be an anchor around Hilton’s neck as the candidate tries to win in a “blue state,” California.

Thus, the “political acrobatics.”

Something similar could occur in Oregon as Christine Drazan tries to be the first Republican governor in Oregon in more than 40 years.

She’ll have to do her own political acrobatics.

On one hand, she’ll have to rail against political problems in the administration of current Governor Tina Kotek, a Democrat who is running for her second term.

On the other hand, in “blue Oregon,” she’ll have to figure out a way to distance herself from Trump and the terrible result of his “policies” – if he actually has policies – in Oregon.

It will be acrobatics of a different sort than what is facing Hilton to the south.

The definition of the word “acrobatics” adds perspective to the challenge facing Drazan.

“The performance of extraordinary feats of balance, agility, and motor coordination.”

It’s too early to say that Drazan will compete this balancing-act, but early polls suggest she has a chance.  So much so that Kotek sent out a recent fundraising letter asking for money because “she was behind.”

All this will become a bit clearer as we approach Labor Day.  It usually is about the time that Oregonians begin to consider politics and how they might vote in a couple months.

So, don’t bet on the outcome yet.  Just watch for the acrobatics.

Perspective from the 19^th Hole is the title I chose for my personal blog, which is meant to give me an outlet for one of my favorite crafts – writing – plus to use an image from my favorite sport, golf.  Out of college, my first job was as a reporter for the Daily Astorian in Astoria, Oregon, and I went on from there to practice writing in all my professional positions, including as press secretary in Washington, D.C. for a Democrat Congressman from Oregon (Les AuCoin), as an Oregon state government manager in Salem and Portland, as press secretary for Oregon’s last Republican governor (Vic Atiyeh), and as a private sector lobbyist.  This blog also allows me to link another favorite pastime – politics and the art of developing public policy – to what I write.  I could have called this blog “Middle Ground,” for that is what I long for in both politics and golf.  The middle ground is often where the best public policy decisions lie.  And it is where you want to be on a golf course.

The Washington Post captured my attention this week in column touting one trait used by successful people – success in business or success in personal life.

This trait:  Don’t try to work or succeed on your own.  Find compatriots.

The good news is that it was a trait that accompanied me for most of my professional life.

As written by Angela Duckworth, here how the Post column started:

“I was once stranded with my 86-year-old mother in the Atlantic Ocean. We were on a snorkeling excursion off the coast of Miami, and the two of us were quickly swept behind our boat, my mother overtaken by the current.  In her panic, she’d inhaled water into both lungs and lost consciousness.

“Attempting to tug her to safety, I thrashed and kicked with all my might, but the ocean swallowed my efforts whole.  Lungs burning, legs heavy, I changed tactics.  I used one hand to keep her head above water and waved the other wildly in the air, shouting for help as I did.

“Ultimately, what saved my mother’s life that day, and mine, too, was not fighting the current on my own.  It was calling for help. The rescuers who came to our aid knew more than I did about how to handle this kind of emergency.  Together, they got my mom onto the boat deck, then to solid ground and finally into the hands of expert medical staff who could care for her properly.”

The account makes the point that acting alone is not the best approach.  Ask for help.  Work together.

In several of professional contexts, here are alliances from which I benefitted.:

• At the Oregon Department of Human Resources, I was one of three executives at the top of what then was the largest department in state government.  We worked well together because we each played our roles, mine and two others.

• At the Oregon Executive Department, I also managed to be near the top of the umbrella agency, which functioned like the COO of state government.  I worked closely with the director, with the top budget manager, and with the top personnel services manager.  We were a solid team.

• At a lobbying firm I co-founded, Conkling Fiskum & McCormick, I was a partner starting in 1990.  After solid alliances such as those listed above, it was hard for me to get started on my own in this company.  But, before long, realized I was not alone and found a good way to work with the other partners and my associates to make a success of our company, not to mention be better myself than I would have been on my own.

• Lobbying in a coalition:  I learned the value of coalitions quickly when I became a lobbyist years ago.  It was better to find friends than to go it alone.  Collaboration worked.

From the Post column, this conclusion:

“Without exception, every high performer I’ve studied credits a host of supporters for their success.  Research has found that a willingness to ask for help is crucial to achievement.:

It was for me.  So, I advise, don’t try to go it alone.  Find allies and friends.  You will be and do better because of it.

Perspective from the 19^th Hole is the title I chose for my personal blog, which is meant to give me an outlet for one of my favorite crafts – writing – plus to use an image from my favorite sport, golf.  Out of college, my first job was as a reporter for the Daily Astorian in Astoria, Oregon, and I went on from there to practice writing in all my professional positions, including as press secretary in Washington, D.C. for a Democrat Congressman from Oregon (Les AuCoin), as an Oregon state government manager in Salem and Portland, as press secretary for Oregon’s last Republican governor (Vic Atiyeh), and as a private sector lobbyist.  This blog also allows me to link another favorite pastime – politics and the art of developing public policy – to what I write.  I could have called this blog “Middle Ground,” for that is what I long for in both politics and golf.  The middle ground is often where the best public policy decisions lie.  And it is where you want to be on a golf course.

Those of us who follow golf came through another season-ending Tour Championship late last week and over the weekend.

Guess who won?

No surprise.  Scottie Scheffler, cementing a bid for his fifth “best golfer of the year award.”

But, beyond Scheffler, my thoughts over the four-day tournament helped to produce this conclusion:  No one, not even top-level PGA Tour players, has a perfect golf swing – or perhaps there is not such a thing.

Consider these examples over the last few days.

• Rory McElroy:  He played well enough so that appeared he had a chance to win.  Until he didn’t.  Think about his golf swing.  He often swings so hard that you think he will leave his golf shoes behind.  When it works, as it often does, his drives go a prodigious distance – and perfect swing or not – he remains one of the best golfers in the world.

• Adam Scott:  At 46 years of age, he was the oldest player in the field.  He still has one of the best swings in the game, nearly perfect.  In addition to being competitive with the youngsters, Scott is known for that swing and, if you want to copy something, try that.

• Peter Gerard:  He was one of the youngest players in the field, but, if you were trying to mimic a great swing, you wouldn’t follow Gerard.  He kills the ball.  If I tried his swing, I’d screw myself into the ground.

• Victor Hovland:  One of only two Norwegians in the field, Holland came close to winning, but talked all tournament long about how he couldn’t find his best swing.  It was his undoing on the final day when he started in the lead, but didn’t win.  Still, hooray for Norskies, my grandparents homeland.

• Scottie Scheffler:  He is the best golfer in the world, bar none.  But, look, at his swing.  Better yet, look at his feet!  They go everywhere.  No matter.  He still wins, now surpassing Tiger Woods to get to first on the list of career money winnings, topping $130 million.  And, just think about the money his great caddy, Ted Scott, earns by his side.

• Chris Gotterup:  He has made a golfing name for himself in the last year or so, but, when he swings, look at his set up.  Or don’t look at it.  It appears he would be hitting the ball far left.  But he comes through in a way that, no kidding, often produces a draw.

Is there a conclusion these stories?   

Yes.  Mine.  It is to develop your own swing in golf, listen to solid instructors along the say, and then play your game, no one else’s.

Plus, I will never look like Adam Scott.

Perspective from the 19^th Hole is the title I chose for my personal blog, which is meant to give me an outlet for one of my favorite crafts – writing – plus to use an image from my favorite sport, golf.  Out of college, my first job was as a reporter for the Daily Astorian in Astoria, Oregon, and I went on from there to practice writing in all my professional positions, including as press secretary in Washington, D.C. for a Democrat Congressman from Oregon (Les AuCoin), as an Oregon state government manager in Salem and Portland, as press secretary for Oregon’s last Republican governor (Vic Atiyeh), and as a private sector lobbyist.  This blog also allows me to link another favorite pastime – politics and the art of developing public policy – to what I write.  I could have called this blog “Middle Ground,” for that is what I long for in both politics and golf.  The middle ground is often where the best public policy decisions lie.  And it is where you want to be on a golf course.

The question in this blog headline crossed my mind as I continued to think about Donald Trump, the worst president in history.

If we lived for 20 or 30 more years, what would we or historians say about Trump and the damage his self-centered approach has done to this country, the United States of America?  My bias shows because I use the word “damage.”

For a moment, consider the last “official’ world war – World War II – as we look back at the devastation produced around the world.

Here is what Mr. Google says about its cost, not just in money, but in other factors, as we consider this sad chapter in the world’s history.

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“World War II was the most destructive conflict in human history, resulting in an estimated 70 to 85 million fatalities and widespread global devastation.

Human Loss and Atrocities

• Massive Casualties:  Between 70 million and 85 million people died, with civilians accounting for the vast majority of the victims.
• The Holocaust:  Nazi Germany murdered six million Jews and millions of others — including Romani people, individuals with disabilities, Soviet prisoners of war, and political dissidents — in concentration and death camps.
• Refugee Crisis:  Tens of millions of people were left homeless, displaced, or orphaned, wandering across ravaged borders unable to return home.

Physical and Economic Destruction

• Flattened Cities:  Aerial bombing, artillery, and ground combat reduced major cities, factories, bridges, and rail networks across Europe and Asia to rubble.
• Severe Shortages:  Food, fuel, and basic consumer goods remained scarce for years after the war ended, leading to widespread undernourishment and economic hardship.
• National Debt:  Governments accrued massive public debt to finance the war effort and subsequent reconstruction.

Geopolitical Aftermath

• Rise of Superpowers:  The devastation of European powers and Japan left the United States and the Soviet Union as the world’s dominant military superpowers.
• The Cold War:  Tensions between Western democracies and the Soviet bloc created an era of geopolitical standoff and the division of Europe via the Iron Curtain.
• Fall of Empires:  European colonial empires weakened, accelerating global decolonization and the birth of new independent nations.
• New International Order: Nations established the United Nations to foster international cooperation and prevent future global conflicts.

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Reflecting on these tragedies for a moment will suggest what could be said 20 or 30 years from now as historians discuss the “Trump era,” if that’s what it can or should be called.

• Human loss:  What Trump has done to bar immigrants from this country or deport them occurs without regard to the value they could provide to this country or simply the value they carry as members of the human race.

Tens of millions of people have been left homeless, displaced, or orphaned, unable to return home.  And, under Trump, this includes children who have been mercilessly separated from their parents, all in the name of this tycoons’ political agenda.

Beyond immigration – where Trump simply shows that he hates people –columnist Thomas Edsall wrote this in the New York Times last year:

“Using a study from The Lancet modeling the fatal fallout of slashing U.S.A.I.D. budgets, Edsall warned that gutting international aid programs could cause upwards of 14 million preventable deaths by 2030, heavily impacting low-income countries that feed global migration pipelines.”

• National debt:  Under Trump, there is little surprise to note that U.S. gross national debt recently surpassed $40 trillion for the first time, all driven by Trump priorities that produce persistent budget deficits, tax cuts, and rising interest payments.

• New world order:  That’s what Trump wants as he curries favor from dictators around the world, such as Kim Jong Un in North Korea, Xi Jinping in China, and Vladimir Putin in Russia.  Trump wants America to be like these countries where there is one supreme leader who controls everything…that’s Trump.

And, Trump has told our neighbor, Canada, to go to _____.

For one thing, in 20 or 30 years, I won’t be around to have my own thoughts or read what historians write.  But I can imagine what they will say about Trump’s America, if it still exists as a free country.  They will report damage from which we may never recover.

Think about this, but then, with me, move on to something positive, if you can find it.

Perspective from the 19^th Hole is the title I chose for my personal blog, which is meant to give me an outlet for one of my favorite crafts – writing – plus to use an image from my favorite sport, golf.  Out of college, my first job was as a reporter for the Daily Astorian in Astoria, Oregon, and I went on from there to practice writing in all my professional positions, including as press secretary in Washington, D.C. for a Democrat Congressman from Oregon (Les AuCoin), as an Oregon state government manager in Salem and Portland, as press secretary for Oregon’s last Republican governor (Vic Atiyeh), and as a private sector lobbyist.  This blog also allows me to link another favorite pastime – politics and the art of developing public policy – to what I write.  I could have called this blog “Middle Ground,” for that is what I long for in both politics and golf.  The middle ground is often where the best public policy decisions lie.  And it is where you want to be on a golf course.

As I choke on the reality of Donald Trump as president, I often have thought about what he doesn’t do, can’t do, or isn’t able to do.

For this, I used the prism of my work for high elected officials or private executives over my 40 years in professional life, both for state government in Oregon and as a lobbyist.

Trump is a singular, mercurial individual who appears not to take advice from anyone because, as the epitome of the narcissist he is, he always knows best.

So, here is my list of what Trump doesn’t do, can’t do, or isn’t able to do:

• Take advice from anyone

• Admit that he might have made a mistake

• Read any set of talking points prepared by a staff member

• Read any briefing papers on the state of world affairs

• Deliver a speech as it is written for him – he always digresses into whims and caprice to elevate his own worth over all else

• Tell the truth

The trouble, of course, is that all of us in the United States of America need a president who functions like a regular human being, with strengths and weaknesses.  And, admitting failure when it occurs is a key credential in the ability to lead the free world.

I still remember the book George Bush wrote after his presidency, Decision Points, in which he touted his successes and admitted his failures.  The latter is a strength.

To perform well, a president must surround himself with quality individuals, both on his personal staff and in Cabinet positions.  And then listen to them before deciding what actions to take or not to take.

Trump fails on all accounts.

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And this footnote:  Why do I write so often about Trump through my blog?

Well, at least two reasons:

• It feels good for me to call out Trump.  And I don’t much care if anyone pays much attention to what I write.  It is good for my soul.

• It is important for all of us as Americans to find a way to criticize Trump, given how much damage he has done, is doing, and will do to this country.  So, I want to add my voice to so many others.

The question is whether America can survive two more years of his “reign,” which he what he calls it because, of course, he is king in his own mind.

Perspective from the 19^th Hole is the title I chose for my personal blog, which is meant to give me an outlet for one of my favorite crafts – writing – plus to use an image from my favorite sport, golf.  Out of college, my first job was as a reporter for the Daily Astorian in Astoria, Oregon, and I went on from there to practice writing in all my professional positions, including as press secretary in Washington, D.C. for a Democrat Congressman from Oregon (Les AuCoin), as an Oregon state government manager in Salem and Portland, as press secretary for Oregon’s last Republican governor (Vic Atiyeh), and as a private sector lobbyist.  This blog also allows me to link another favorite pastime – politics and the art of developing public policy – to what I write.  I could have called this blog “Middle Ground,” for that is what I long for in both politics and golf.  The middle ground is often where the best public policy decisions lie.  And it is where you want to be on a golf course.

On the golf course the other day, I played with two friends who know more about higher education that I ever will.

The two were my friend Mike Bennett who retired a few years ago as a leader of Willamette University’s attempt to raise private money, and Neil Bryant who served a few years ago as a state senator from Bend, Oregon, and, then, in retirement, went on to chair the Higher Education Coordinating Commission in Salem, Oregon.

If there was a conclusion from their conversations on the golf course, this blog headline captures it:  Uncertainty.

And the basic reason?  Money.  Or, more accurately, the lack of it.

The first lack arises from Oregon state government.  There, higher ed competes against three other entities for state tax money – K-12 education, public safety (including State Police and state prisons), and health and welfare.

Plus, federal money for some of those programs is drying up, which puts more pressure on state coffers.

Rather than cite my own detail, here is how Oregon Public Broadcasting put it the other day under this headline:  Oregon public universities are headed toward steeper cuts and higher tuition, leaders warn.

Here is more detail:

“Oregon’s higher education leaders say the state’s seven public universities and 17 community colleges need more money to keep pace with rising costs.

“Left unaddressed, they warn, institutions could face steeper cuts and families could have to shoulder more of the burden by paying more for tuition.

“Oregon has trailed most other states in public higher education funding for years.  University budgets are beset by declining enrollment, shifting federal funding priorities, increasing personnel costs, and more.

“The funding problems have pushed public universities into financial disarray.  It has also soured negotiations with employee unions who are vying for better pay and say spending growth among administrators has outpaced that of classified staff.  Nearly all of Oregon’s public universities have recently faced budget cuts and layoffs in some form.”

Specifically, the University of Oregon is trying to figure out how to fill a $65 million budget hole.  Southern Oregon University (SOU) needs to cut $20 million or it could run out of money by next June.

For the U of O, that reality has sparked background discussions on whether the university should try to become private, weening itself from any dependence on state money.

On one hand, that may sound attractive, but becoming private is harder than it sounds.  Such a move does not appear to in the cards, at least any time soon and, in fact, sources report that there are no plans to move in that director.

In a similar comment, another friend of mine told me the other day that he had visited the U of O campus in Eugene, Oregon and noticed that a private university there, Bushnell University, had been buying up property in the city.

Well, at least the following is true:  Bushnell acquired property from PeaceHealth in the University District of Eugene, Oregon, marking the largest single expansion in the university’s 130-year history.  But Bushnell, with all due respect to it, is not in the same league as the U of O

For smaller regional institutions, such as SOU, Eastern Oregon University, and Western Oregon University, there are real questions about whether they can survive.  What about mergers with the U of O or Oregon State University, Oregon’s two major universities? So far, the regionals have said, wanting to preserve their own identities.

There also have been reports that Senate Democrats in Salem, led by Senator Anthony Broadman, D-Bend, are getting ready to propose a sale tax to gain more money.  If you’re betting, bet against it.  A sales tax has been proposed nine times in Oregon and has gone down to defeat every time.

One of the reasons is that many voters believe a sale tax would be “just another tax” on top of all the others, even if advocates contend it would be accompanied by a reduction in personal income taxes. Even if that were true in one year, critics say it would not be true in the next year – just another tax.

So, for higher ed advocates, get ready for less state money and higher tuition.

Perspective from the 19^th Hole is the title I chose for my personal blog, which is meant to give me an outlet for one of my favorite crafts – writing – plus to use an image from my favorite sport, golf.  Out of college, my first job was as a reporter for the Daily Astorian in Astoria, Oregon, and I went on from there to practice writing in all my professional positions, including as press secretary in Washington, D.C. for a Democrat Congressman from Oregon (Les AuCoin), as an Oregon state government manager in Salem and Portland, as press secretary for Oregon’s last Republican governor (Vic Atiyeh), and as a private sector lobbyist.  This blog also allows me to link another favorite pastime – politics and the art of developing public policy – to what I write.  I could have called this blog “Middle Ground,” for that is what I long for in both politics and golf.  The middle ground is often where the best public policy decisions lie.  And it is where you want to be on a golf course.

These days, with too much time on my hands in retirement, my thoughts went to bad names of players that, if had the name, I’d have to change it.

This came to mind in two contexts.

First, I often serve as a starter for Oregon Golf Association (OGA) junior tournaments where I announce names of players before they tee off.

Second, I was a lobbyist in Oregon for about 25 years and, in that form, came into contact with loads of client names.

Three examples:

• A young man named Hudson Hackwell now plays on the junior circuit in Oregon.  In some ways, it’s not bad name, but I suspect he gets kidding a lot about this phrase – “go on and hack well as you play.”

• In my days as a starter, I had to prepare myself to mention this young player’s name, Oren Shank.  If he didn’t embrace his name, he couldn’t play the game because all his golfing friends know what the word “shank” means.  It is a word you don’t utter on the golf course for fear of coming down with the problem, much like Kevin Costner did as he played Roy McAvoy in the movie Tin Cup.

• Speaking of the word shank, I also had a client in business with the name, Gary Shank.  Needless to say, I never played golf with him.

In conclusion, I thought of the professional golfer, Jason Dufner.  His name comes close to another bad golfing word – duffer.  And, lately, he has played like one – a duffer.

Perspective from the 19^th Hole is the title I chose for my personal blog, which is meant to give me an outlet for one of my favorite crafts – writing – plus to use an image from my favorite sport, golf.  Out of college, my first job was as a reporter for the Daily Astorian in Astoria, Oregon, and I went on from there to practice writing in all my professional positions, including as press secretary in Washington, D.C. for a Democrat Congressman from Oregon (Les AuCoin), as an Oregon state government manager in Salem and Portland, as press secretary for Oregon’s last Republican governor (Vic Atiyeh), and as a private sector lobbyist.  This blog also allows me to link another favorite pastime – politics and the art of developing public policy – to what I write.  I could have called this blog “Middle Ground,” for that is what I long for in both politics and golf.  The middle ground is often where the best public policy decisions lie.  And it is where you want to be on a golf course.

Every so often, a column appears in a newspaper that deserves to be “honored” by being reprinted intact in my blog, which, I guess, could be an honor,

Well, long-time sports writer, Rick Reilly wrote today in the Washington Post in a column that appeared under a headline I borrowed for this blog.

Another case where the man we call president, Donald Trump, goes on lying, cheating, and, I guess, playing golf better than anyone else.

Here is the column.

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You people make me sick. Just because President Donald Trump is 80 years old with a pancake-flat golf swing and the chipping skills of Edward Scissorhands, you refuse to believe he could shoot a 70 and hog two trophies a couple of weeks ago at his Bedminster course in New Jersey.

He says he “won” both the senior (over 50) and super senior (over 60) titles by shooting 10 strokes below his age — which is like kicking a 120-yard field goal in snowshoes.

Shame on you. You’re thinking about this all cattywampus. I’ve been tracking Trump’s golf game for 26 years. It isn’t about his golf skills. It’s about his calculator-melting math skills.

Watch the master at work …

This is how many club championships Trump said he had back in 2000.

He and I were playing at Trump National outside New York City. Somewhere between his sixth and seventh mulligan, he declared, “You know I’ve won 12 club championships, right?”

I blinked at him. I was looking at a guy who couldn’t get out of a bunker if he had a ladder. I figured him for a 7 handicap, which was pretty good for a 56-year-old, but wins you a fistful of nothing in club championships. Besides, whenever he’d played on TV — like the Pebble Beach tournament and the Lake Tahoe celebrity thing — he never finished in the top half.

“No chance, Donald,” I countered.

Then he explained it: Every time he buys or builds a new golf course, he plays the first round by himself and declares that the club championship.

I thought, Well, that’s just … pure … genius.

This was the number he was trotting out by 2013. “I’ve won 18 Club Championships including this weekend,” he posted online, then trashing billionaire-and-no-Trump-fan Mark Cuban (“swings like a little girl with no power or talent”).

Eighteen? I looked into it and could find no evidence he’d won any of the six new titles. One time, he’d played a different course and called in the winning score. Another time, he walked in the clubhouse, saw the winner’s name on the wall, and apparently decided, “I always beat that guy,” and declared himself the champ.

Hey, he owns the courses. It’s not like he needs to write a letter to management.

Fast forward to 2024, and by my unofficial Trump Brag count, he had 26. That’s eight championships in 11 years. Which is Tiger Woods-like, except no objective witness would call me back to vouch that any of them were legit. Not the head pro, not the guys he played with, not any of his hardworking caddies, who drop balls for him the way the Easter Bunny drops eggs for toddlers.

He “won” one title — a two-day event — in Florida even though he spent the first day at a funeral in North Carolina. He “won” another that apparently was held while he was in Singapore with North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un. That’s a trick even Un’s father — Kim Jong Il — never dreamed up, and he once shot a 38.

Here is where Trump set himself apart from any baloney blowhard braggart you’ve ever met. On Aug. 6, 2025, he suddenly posted on Truth Social about having “36 Club Championships!”

Creeping covfefe! Trump had jumped up 10 championships in a single year! Maybe he’d built a putt-putt course in the White House basement and was holding secret tourneys? I’m telling you, this man could find a trophy in the 50 percent off box at Circle K.

On Thanksgiving Day last year, in a video call to soldiers, Trump let slip, “I’ve won 38 club championships, and I don’t get to practice much.” Two remarkable things about this:

1. Somehow, he’d won two more “championships” at his clubs despite the clubs’ not posting anything about them. Trump himself hadn’t even mentioned them (but you know how humble he is).

2. Extra points must be awarded for not only bragging about the 38 imaginary victories — all at courses he owns — but also moaning he could’ve won even more. My God, how many trophies can a man hoist? Don’t his arms get tired?

Or 43 or whatever. Which brings us to the recent outing when the World’s Most Self-Decorated Golfer turned in another spectacular performance: the 2-under 70 at Bedminster, which I couldn’t get anybody to vouch for, since it’s a score that would satisfy any scratch golfer of any age. “It’s called TALENT, and I have it,” he posted afterward, “and they don’t!”

Well, actually, what Trump has is caddies waiting out ahead on the course, fluffing up his lies, throwing his balls out of bunkers and picking up eight-foot putts they’ve decided he doesn’t need to make. I talked to an ex-caddy of his, who said, “Everybody knows the deal. He has to win the tournament and shoot the lowest score. It’s your job to make sure.”

So now I have the Championship Cheat Chart at 40 wins, though an onlooker at Bedminster taking a video of the awards said that by his count, Trump is up to 43.

The guy might be right. Heck, by Christmas, it could be 50. By April, he might have won the Masters. After all, at 80 years old, Trump is playing not only the best golf of his life, but the best amateur golf in the history of the sport.

Metamucil for everybody!